...

I have always been the type of person that philosophizes about death. About what it means, and how we deal with it. Despite this, I have experienced very few losses in my life. Some people were important to me, that is true, but nobody meant as much to me as she did. It was Tuesday, around 9 p.m. I was bullshitting around, trying to enjoy the day off. I decided to check my phone, and I received a message from someone whose name I hadn't seen in a long time, her step-sister. It was about Kasey. She'd been in a car crash on Sunday. It was fatal. My best friend from high school was dead.

I didn't know what to do or how to feel. To be fair, it's a week later and I still don't know how to feel. She was my "Senior Best Friend" as a freshman. The person you get attached to and miss like hell when the next year comes around. Not too long after she graduated she moved to Colorado, but we still kept in touch very closely. We were always online, staying up all night talking and playing video games together. We were in many online communities together, making mutual friends online as well.

We started to lose touch after a while, especially after I had graduated from high school. Perhaps that's just a consequence of getting older. She did do her due diligence to reach out, I wasn't much of a talker after some point. Always too busy with something or another, not getting back to her for days on end, if at all. The amount of guilt I feel from that now is insurmountable, regardless I know that's not something that can be changed. The only thing I wish now is that she knows how much I love her, and how much she means to me. I wish that there was anything I could do to turn back time, for her to come back, but life doesn't work that way. If only it were that easy.

My deepest condolences go out to her family members, as I can't even imagine how painful this loss is for them. If there's anything to take away from this at all, make sure you let your friends know how much they mean to you. I wish I had. I love you, Kasey.